Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
