Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
