YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
