dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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