ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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