i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
