you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize