we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
operation harelip BJ is a go
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
