The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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