My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
