I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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