he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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