Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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