so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
