better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
