Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
