Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
