You smell like a Billy Joel song
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
