forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
