So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
