youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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