Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
