Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
