She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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