lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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