is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
