Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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