He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
