Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
should my penis look like a turkey
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
