I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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