Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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