i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
