i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
