first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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