I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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