It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
