She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
