so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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