I want to have your abortion
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
