Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
