So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
