I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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