yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
