Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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