he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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