We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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