He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
