she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
