Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
