Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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