How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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