Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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