The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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