So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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