I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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