Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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