hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
