After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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