In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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