I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found puke in my bra..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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