Just cropdusted the office
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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