There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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