Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
