I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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