Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
