Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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