Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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