I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
