Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize