They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
