Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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