Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
