So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
did i just pee glitter
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